The most beautiful pearl is family. The most bitter poisons (could be) also come from families.
The image of a harmonious and supportive family among its members is the dream of many people. Similarly, married life is pumping individual welfare. But, in fact, not everyone is lucky to taste things like that.
Since they were children, growing up, or when forming their own household, some people were confronted with family members who actually hindered their development. Such family situations are known as dysfunctional or toxic families. Poisonous attitudes of family members can be found in the relations of husband and wife, parents and children, as well as between siblings and relatives.
There are a number of signs of a situation changing from a family’s “drama” that is still classified as a toxic family. When someone feels anxious, sad, and angry every time they think about interacting with family members, or when nothing positive is gained from that interaction.
In general, in a relationship including family relations, an unhealthy situation is rooted in communication problems and the application of clear boundaries. In addition, this can also be implied from the behavior patterns of the parties involved.
“poisonous” people seem to be in control of other people’s lives; likes to accentuate and prioritize himself or show narcissist attitude; always be negative and make the situation pessimistic or gloomy; likes to create dramas and look for things that are wrong with something; easily jealous and judgmental; likes to manipulate or lie; also often ignores the feelings and views of others and always feels most right.
Bad Treatment Between Couples
Aside from the general description of the ‘toxic’ people, in the context of the household, unhealthy relationships can be seen from the existence of restrictions on access or freedom by one party to another. For example, a wife is not permitted to move outside the house by her husband on the grounds of fear of cheating. Another example, a wife is often suspicious, often checking the husband’s device as a form of low confidence in her husband.
Attitude to prioritize a partner so that he can continue to be accepted becomes the trigger of an unhealthy household situation because it means, someone sacrifices the things that make him or herself: values, desires, relationships with other people, maybe even their identities.
Not everyone shows a clear attitude of control. There are people who choose a passive-aggressive attitude to realize their dominance of a partner. In front of his partner, the person said yes, while his actions showed the opposite. All kinds of subtle tactics they can do to sabotage the desires, needs, or plans of the couple.
When Children are Force-fed Parents What Ruin Himself
The responsibility placed on the shoulders of parents to raise children often gives them the right to direct the child according to their wishes. Not all parents guide children by considering what the child wants or needs himself. Some of them put their own desires above the interests of the child in the name of “good for children”.
An attitude of criticism without stopping, threatening, and often saying bad things about children is the first characteristic of parents “toxic”. No matter how many children score achievements, no matter how high their achievements are, no appreciation comes out of such parents as long as they are not in accordance with their wishes. The child turns to make mistakes, rain scorn and punishment from parents who await him.
On the other hand, being too pampering and always following the child’s will can also damage the child. The absence of boundaries shown in parenting patterns makes children feel in other contexts too, he deserves to be the center of attention, fulfilled every will, even thinking superior to those around him.
Next, signs of toxic parents can be seen from themselves who are very difficult or even unable to accept the conditions or decisions of their children.
“At one dinner [after the patient’s confession], his father told him that it would be better if he had died in an accident several years ago than his brother,” Friedman wrote.
Parents who often ignore children are classified as poisonous parents. Neglect can occur either because of work busyness, pressure in the care process, financial problems, or other things. Whatever the reason underlying this, the emotional needs of children will not be fulfilled so that it affects the development of his personality later.